Can you describe the moment right before you orgasm? Are you familiar enough with how it feels to be able to pause and slow down before that point of no return? It’s a little bit different for everyone, and if you don’t know what it feels like for you it’s definitely worth taking the time to learn.
We mindlessly race towards that point when we’re masturbating, then expect ourselves to be able to identify and control it in the heat of the moment during sex and get frustrated when we can’t. And when you’re in your own head and preoccupied with anxiety about finishing too quickly or your performance in general, you’re not focused on your own pleasure or your partner’s.
Is this something that you’ve ever even thought about while masturbating? Probably not – for most of us the instant gratification is part of the point of masturbation, right? We’re not usually thinking in terms of getting in touch with ourselves or learning about our bodies or anything like that, we’re just thinking about getting off, or not thinking at all. And there’s nothing wrong with that – “mindless” masturbation can be pretty great. But if your goal is to have more control during sex, a more mindful approach to masturbation can help.
The next time you masturbate, really focus on every sensation that you feel, and pay attention to your body’s response to different speeds and types of stimulation. Work on identifying your own personal point of no return and what it feels like right before you get there, and see if you can slow the action down when you get to that place. If you usually use porn to masturbate, try going without it sometimes so you can pay more attention to yourself.
It might feel weird at first to be fully aware and present through the whole experience rather than distracted or just rushing towards orgasm, but if you let yourself get past that you’ll gain some valuable insights that will serve you well in the bedroom. If it helps, just think of it like any other type of fitness goal – you have to know what you’re capable of and what works well for you before you can test your limits and make the most of your skills